I know this is a forum for fathers. I am a mother, though my child is not the subject of this inquiry. I need help; more specifically, my fiance needs help. His ex-wife has accused him of sexual abuse of his daughter several times (though never reported it), had their son diagnosed as Autistic (supposedly, though can't find the paperwork and it's his fault), and constantly threatens that he will never see his children again (though interestingly enough will "let" him visit when she needs to leave town). By his custody decree he is allowed to see his children every weekend and speak to them on the phone every day. His children are now 3 and 5. The ex changes residences and phone numbers so that their dad cannot contact the children. He only has her email address and she rarely responds to his requests to see his children. Sometimes, however, his ex-wife calls at odd times (last time was 5 months ago) and asks if she can drop the kids off. She may give an hour's notice and then drop them off hours after the agreed-upon time and pick them up hours late. If he says no, he has other plans, she accuses him of violating the custody agreement and not loving his kids. If he agrees to have his children over we know it's just a matter of time before he is accused of sexual and/or physical abuse of one or both of the children. "Calling the cops" has become a constant threat- so much that we are both petrified to interact with the kids at all. His children LOVE him. I see it, our friends see it, though she informs him that they don't want to see him or that they are afraid of him. Not true. 

Now, here is where I come in: I am a licensed child therapist which means I am legally bound to report all possible abuse cases. Can I report her for emotional abuse? (ha ha).  I have not witnessed nor suspected any abuse whatsoever but legally I still have to report it if she makes the accusation. It also means  I am experienced in dealing with children who actually are abused and I'm trained to deal with emotional, psychological, and behavioral issues. His children exhibit no abnormal behavior- not even on the autism spectrum like she claims. What is hurtful is that I cannot be around the premises when his kids are in his care because of the potential for the ex to ruin my career, reputation, etc.... I am an advocate for children's rights and if she were to even casually accuse me of harming "her" kids (I NEVER would), my career would be ruined and my own child may be removed from my custody. 

My fiance desperately needs guidance on how to handle her constant accusations, forced alienation from his kids, and the court battle of trying to enforce visitation. In Texas, the mother trumps the father every time even if she is bat-crap crazy. We both know it is a futile effort to get the court involved again. Her legal representation is paid for by the state and it is up to him to pay for an attorney just to enforce the custody agreement. What my fiance needs is emotional support from someone who understands what he is going through. I see him slipping further into a depressive state after each visitation because 1) he is never sure when he will see his kids again, 2) what she will accuse him of after the visit, and 3) trying to protect me from any harm. We plan to marry next fall. Does this mean he has to choose between seeing me or his children?

I am empathetic to his situation but honestly I can't begin to understand how someone like his ex can be so MEAN, especially when children are involved. My fiance loves his children very, very much but is contemplating resigning his rights because it has become too much to deal with. This conflict has been going on for 3 years and is literally killing him. The anxiety, depression, fear, anger... I'm sure some of you dads know exactly what he feels. Should he give up and resolve to never see the kids again due to her unpredictable behavior? Does he continue to withstand the accusations for the next 15 years? 

If anyone has any suggestions please feel free to comment. I will pass on the information. Even better, if anyone is willing to speak to my fiance it would be very much appreciated. I think more than anything he just needs someone familiar with the pain to give him hope. Please send me an email if you are willing to contact him and I will provide our number.